2015 was all character development for me.
I stumbled forward with no real goals or aspirations, not knowing what to do with myself and not knowing what God wanted me to do with myself. I prayed over and over again for direction, for motivation, for courage to do the things I wanted to do (not that I knew what I wanted, mind you).
Early 2015 was hard, stuck in the dead of winter in a job that was sucking the life out of me, striking out with the guy I was interested in, no close friends and for the first time in my life I was gaining weight (yeah I see you rolling your eyes, but I'd never dealt with it before and I didn't like it). I retreated further and further into myself, became mean and hard-hearted. I didn't like where I was or who I was but I didn't know how to be myself again. Everything that used to define me (student, photographer, singer, actress, artist, daughter, youth, etc.) didn't fit me anymore. I was in a new season where everything was unfamiliar, including myself.
I'm happy to say I came out of that. In the midst of all this angst, I rediscovered some of the things I loved (swing dancing, canoe trips, korean pop music...here's the song I've been listening to over and over again these past few days), and discovered some new things I didn't know I loved (cleaning, blonde hair, learning mandarin chinese!!). I settled some of my photography self-doubts, started and abandoned a few projects, tried to figure out how to make money this next year. I started really looking for the right place for me to volunteer at church, and I found it. I started making friends, real friends, ones I hope will continue to challenge me and lift me up.
I started working out! In June I tackled the Tough Mudder with my dad and brothers, and finished it. That was a high! In August, Eva and I flew to San Francisco to spend a weekend seeing the sights and eating the food with our cousin Jon. After that trip I flew down to Orlando to audition for Disney, and flew home unsuccessful and disheartened. I spent September shooting senior portraits and wondering what I was supposed to do next. I prayed countless times for direction and vision and came up empty-handed over and over again. And then all of a sudden the idea for the 52 Weeks Project appeared. I pounced on it and never looked back. I started this blog to document the project back in October, and haven't missed a week, not even the week I spent in Paris (swoon)!
I feel like my heart has flown and fought and fallen so many times in 2015, over and over again. I'm looking forward to what 2016 has for me. I'm looking forward to what this blog turns into this year. I want to live out the biggest and the best of what God has for me this year, and I want you to live out the biggest and the best of what God has for you, too.
Here are some things on my heart for 2016:
1. write more music
I've never considered myself a great writer, of stories or essays or songs or really anything. But I'm done with that, if I'm going to figure out what I want to sing then I should figure out what I want to write.
2. live clean
Last year I started working out and I'm certainly not looking back. Exercising showed me glimpses of the lifestyle I want: good food, good endurance, good muscles, hydrated and happy. I want to get there this year, learn to cook good meals and manage my body in better ways.
3. don't save the special things for a special occasion
"How you spend your days is how you spend your life." I read that this year and what followed was a sharp intake of breath and a hand clutched to my heart (which is what I do when something changes me forever). I want my life to be good, big, beautiful then my every day has to be good, big, beautiful. I don't want to save good attitudes or good beverages for special occasions. I want to let special things make ordinary occasions special occasions. This might be my biggest thing this year.
4. maintain the bob
If you know me in real life, you probably know I'm growing my hair out. I want to have a bob and maintain it for at least a good while, but I'm afraid I'll get to the bob only to hate it and cut it all off again...in which case these painful last few months of awkward hair won't even be worth it. Help me be strong. Send me encouraging texts and comments about my hair. I need it. Thanks in advance for your hair support.
5. write the crap out of this blog
I want cramped fingers from typing on this thing. I want this blog to have a hundred million readers. When I win a Grammy, I want everyone to be like "of course, that's Greta she has that blog that rocks." I want my daily hits to grow every day. And I want to write good stuff, of course. Look forward to it, check back often, I'll have good stuff here.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has been reading and listening to my tracks thus far. You mean the world to me and I promise to work hard for every single one of you! I'd like to include a few ways you as a reader can support me in my music:
1. comment! this takes just a minute and I love hearing from you guys. As much as I love ghost readers (and I totally do, don't get me wrong), it's nice to be reminded that I'm blogging and singing for real live people on this blog besides my mom. And I'm pretty sure my mom doesn't even listen every week so you get where I'm coming from, yeah?
2. hire me as a photographer! I will shoot anything you want. Portraits, headshots, fashion, your dog, family gatherings, birthday parties, couples, weddings, band photos, yearbook pictures, literally anything. This is the most tangible way you can support me! Send me a message or e-mail or anything and we can work out pricing together.
3. send music requests! I'm super open to learning and recording new songs! the easiest way to send me a request is via comment...that's two support birds with one supportive stone, you really can't beat that, honestly.
Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this post, taking the time to read this blog and listen to my tracks, and for all of you who come and talk to me face to face about this project. I love to talk to people, it means so much to know you're listening.
I know 2016 is going to be a good year for us together. Here we go!