week 32: yours forever
I volunteer at my church as a girl's discussion group leader in the junior high, and we got to talking tonight about how it feels to get have this beautiful, romantic idea at the start of an idea or project or whatever, and how when we get to the middle it's a drag just to get ourselves out of bed, much less actually to get any work done.
I started thinking about this project, as I often do, and all of the things that it's taught me so far and I can easily remember many many times in the past 8 months (side note: 8 months WOW) where I have spun around in my studio chair groaning like an over-dramatic teenager because I'm sick and tired of being so bad at recording and mixing idk why do i even have ears they are so useless why can't I just be done with this project and what's the big deal anyways who is listening who cares I never want to sing again yada yada yada...
I could list off the weeks I had to look away while posting any particular track because it just wasn't good enough but I was out of time and had to let it go anyways. It's been a little painful, but when people stop me to tell me they love what I'm doing or why I'm doing it or just a "hey, I listened to your track this week!" I am absolutely proud of what I've done so far, embarrassing tracks and voice cracks and all!
I'm not the best producer, I still don't really know the nuances of singing in a studio, and speaking of my studio, this is what mine looks like:
It's not exactly a dream. But regardless of how many weeks I've fudged, or not given it my all, or just done one take and posted it anyways because I was lazy, I don't feel like any week was a waste of time. In every week, there is a lesson, and I can't believe I've never thought of previous projects the way I do about this one. Life is a process, not a product. The 52 Weeks Project isn't 52 neat and tidy products wrapped up in a bow and posted online, like I thought when I started it. The 52 Weeks Project is a process of exploring myself as a musician, producer, dreamer. It's been challenging limits that I previously thought I had, blowing the dust off of dreams I had long since abandoned. It's my workflow, and let me tell you, momentum is building. I have a feeling that whatever I do after this project, I will shoot into it like a rubber band stretched back and finally released. Right now I am a rubber band stretched back, and it is a beautiful thing, to feel this cool tension within me as I'm changing and growing.
But! I know this is only for a season. I'm trying to be present in every second of the journey. Even though I have 20 weeks left (side note: only 20, come on wow), I think I'm doing okay, as far as "the middle of the journey is a drag" goes. The middle of this journey is a little tedious, but still exciting.
This week's song is Yours Forever by Dara Maclean,
Sung to a track,
Vocals by myself,
ps. to those of you silently listening, I love you so so much and I am honored to be a part of your life week to week. Stay silent if you wish, talk to me if you wish, I'm having a blast singing for all of you through this website.