I'm halfway through packing for a mid-week trip to San Diego when I have to sit down and look at the new fancy little suitcase I just bought. It is open on my bed, just a couple of shirts on one side and a sleeping bag and camping pad on the other (there are going to be seven of us girls in one room and I'm a camper -- I can handle the floor). Just a year ago I was barely entertaining the idea of applying to work for an airline, and now I'm seven months into this job that makes travel so possible, so not-a-big-deal. Before working at an airline, I didn't really think about traveling. Then again, I've never had the whole world at my fingertips.
And then on the 13th my sister and I will be flying across the world to Japan, and then onto China! We're going with a tour company, which is excellent because they handle the details, and because honestly, Asia is a little scary. The way we're anticipating the adventure makes it seem like our timelines have been divided into two categories: life Before Japan/China, and life After Japan/China. I wanted to open up my blog again before we left, and I was hoping to have a song or video done before that, but time is running out and I feel the voice inside sternly whispering, "You have to move."
So here I am, slowly getting back in motion! I wish I had a song to post for you guys. All of January until March I was working the overnight shift (that's 8pm-4:30am, if you're keeping track), and if you follow my instagram stories, you know that it was mostly just tons of shenanigans and then complete and utter exhaustion. Constant exhaustion. All the time. My life since January 6th has been a simple cycle of working, sleeping, musical rehearsal, and, most notably, weekly visits with my therapist.
Talking about therapy is sometimes weird for me and other times it is as normal as discussing the weather. On one hand, depression and anxiety are demons so many people struggle with. On the other hand, I never thought I would be one of those people, especially now that I'm out of the dark, both literally in my new shift at work and figuratively in my emotional state. If you followed my very occasional posts on social media, you may be a little worried, but I wanted to reassure you that I'm really doing well! In real life, I do not dwell on how hard depression was for me. I am not sad. I am not hopeless for my future. What I am is recovering, at a really good pace. The night shift brought my entire life to a sudden halt, and in that total lack of motion I knew the only thing I had to do was recover. From the 52 Weeks Project. From depression. From anxiety. From insecurities that had never surfaced before. From triggers I didn't know I had. I've begun to think of working nights as my own severe mercy, forcing me to grind to a stop...and keeping me still.
In case there was any doubt, I absolutely hated the night shift! Not so much for the hours themselves (although they suuuuuucked), but for the way it monopolized the rest of my life. I couldn't go for any main or supporting character in the show I'd been planning on auditioning for since the summer. I was dead tired, every second of the day. I couldn't see any of my friends because they were free while I slept and worked when I was free and slept when I worked. I had to stop volunteering at church because I couldn't handle it in my schedule. I had to stop going to church because I couldn't handle it in my schedule. I felt like I had gone into hiding, I never saw anybody.
So in what was probably my extroverted subconscious dying for attention, I started making Instagram stories chronicling my night shifts with my co-workers. And wow, people actually started watching them and replying to them. On the rare occasions my schedule/energy allowed me to actually go out in public my friends and acquaintances would stop me to tell me how much they loved my night shift stories. Just a few weeks ago my parents were in Disney where they ran into an old friend who said, "I love Greta's night shift stories!" Like, what the heck?! I had no idea so many people would like my stories! They ended up being really a blast to make, my coworkers wanted cameos, there was a lot of "Greta, put this on your story!" and that's just such a beautiful thing!
God bless, my shift changed a couple of weeks ago and I am now working in actual broad daylight, I have a normal sleep schedule and my energy level is once again high. Sadly, now that the night shift is over, the night shift stories are over, too. What I learned though, is that videos are fun. Like, really fun. And cutting videos together comically? I love it. Like my siblings' Disney travel videos (part one, two, and three). I'd love to build up a YouTube channel, with travel videos and music videos and some vlogs? So keep your eyes out for that!
I'll start working on music again as soon as I can, because that's my real purpose with being on the internet. In the meantime though, feel free to browse the 52 Weeks Project! I've been listening to some of my tracks and some of them actually turned out really really nice! Several are pretty rough, but that's okay! I'm really happy with everything I learned working on the project, and even on working through tough songs (and *even* when those songs didn't turn out super great), at least I kept going. It's good to finish what you start.
I am happy to be back!